Returning to Normal

It has been a while, hasn't it? I've missed you! ;-)

We are getting back to normal (whatever that means!) since our Type 1 Diabetes diagnosis in late May. It is getting easier, day by day. We try to look for the positives.  For one, candy is her medicine for low sugar. Which adds a new dimension to mom-guilt when I eat the rockets....

Our daughter is learning first hand that you play the hand you are dealt, manage it and get on with the game. A negative attitude is a deal breaker and this is a great lesson. She has awesome role models with this disease, including her first crush. A cowboy named, Luke Branquino, who has Type 1. He's a steer wrestler. She blushes when she denies that she likes him. Adorable!

The worst part of this is the needles. When she cries about it, I cry with her. I hate it. Finger pokes at least four times a day--they hurt like a deep paper cut. When I do one on myself to support her, I instinctively pull my finger away. It hurts--no two ways about it. And the insulin--well, that hurts as bad as any other needle you've ever had. The two kids I know well with the disease are the bravest, toughest people I know. Hands down.

Type 1 Diabetes is an autoimmune disorder. Our daughter's body feels the pancreas is an invasive organism that it must fight and kill. It is about converted food energy in your blood. Carbohydrates are converted to sugar in the blood and that sugar feeds your cells providing the energy to do things like breathe, walk and move.

I thought we had a high carbohydrate based diet--after all we love fruit and bread in this house. But we soon discovered we have many, many low or zero carb meals. Foods in the same food category differ--some have carbs, some don't....Huh? What??

At first it was really confusing. And we "filled in" missing carbs with things like ice cream, cookies or crackers because we were desperate to hit the target number. Quite literally, our daughter has had more sugar based foods since her diagnosis than she had in her 7 years of life before that. That was frustrating, but a part of the learning. Now we have the tools to work with what she is eating instead of feeding the insulin.

I'm learning to let go a bit because this disease challenges and frustrates my control freak nature. The truth is you can't "control" this disease in a way that would suit a control freak like me. It changes constantly. In fact, her blood sugar level can change dramatically in a matter of minutes and go from high to low in 30 minutes or less.  

This is our new normal. I can't change what she has to endure every day...that is the worst blow of all.